My Efficiency (by: Obatomi, Oladele Joseph)

MY EFFICIENCY

My name is Airegin the Great

My god is no other than man himself

My religion is service to humanity

My motto is supreme patriotism

My economy is absolutely buoyant

Since I possess monopoly of superior management

All good things of life are here just for the asking

So, my market sells in the world cheapest

Life is so rosy that the Saudi palace is a joke

Some few go on compulsory fasting

Only to themselves spiritual rejuvenation on give

It’s meant to advance national commitment

The masses may go hungry voluntarily

It’s a usual road to self-discipline, a cardinal goal

The only disease that kills my children at all

Is a kind of modern virus reared by stinking affluence

I give electric light to my children very cheap

In fact cheaper than the one from the solar source

So cheap that no actual reading is ever done

Electricity bills are simply conjured by trained magicians

Wages are worked in such a way that even

The gap between the rich and the poor is the least the world over

The lowest income earner can earn as much as N600.00

All within just three hundred and sixty-five days only

No other person can pay higher, I openly boast of this

The highest income earner may, if working hard, rake

As little as the billion particularly if made a servant

Of my children say as chieftain in say a whole year

I can’t be kinder than that, neither can any other

I deserve ten rounds of applause from others like me

No wonder I am majestically saluted every October

With no fewer than one hundred giant gun salutes

My National Electric Company (NEC) always makes

Sure that my children uninterrupted power supply get

For as much as a whole fourteen long days

In just a very short span of thirty full days!

Just in case anybody or company will get spoilt

My NEC is adequate legally and powerfully insulated

From possible and indiscriminate misuse by consumers

Particularly the very vast majority of my children

If light is supplied after the hour of seven at Dusk

Irresponsible children who form the vast majority will not

Out of sheer ignorance obey international law of rest

After all, all work without play, they say, dulls the head

You may want to know how easy it is for my children

To get the purchase an electric metre to their houses

All they need do is simply to pay to the NEC cashier

Only a sum of sixty thousand naira and wait

And to teach how best to use and electric metre

We aid you by mercifully making sure that you

Get your metre by fiat only after 720 days

Which I think is short enough to get you trained

However, if, instead of sixty thousand naira

You decide to and you pay a hundred and twenty

You will much more easily get your metre in a weak

Because it means you already know its usefulness

In my hospitals you pay either nothing or a token

Fee for minor and common surgical operations

Such an operation attracts as little as only fifteen thousand

Some simple folk in mud palaces may go tradomedical

In such a situation what the patient can do is simple

He goes to the native doctor who has not list his wots

Such a patient is considered patriotic and nationalist

Since he may gallantly die to teach the rest how to look inward

This dead patient will be cauonised as national how

His death has conserved and utilized national resources

As a mark o national recognition local hunters and guards

Will be organized to attend a grand night vigil in pageantry

But if a disease develops suddenly it is called emergency

In that case you must give the resident doctor a kolanut

Doctors enjoy kolanuts in case of night calls since it

Will not allow them to doze of during operations

My Universities are internationally known for excellence

They are the best you can find anywhere under the sun

No student will not have used up to a total of ten leaves

Of his exercise not broke by the end of just a semester

My University students stay always on the school compus

For almost thirst solid and studious long days in school

In just one academic semester of six full months

That explains the superiority of their certificates

When these extra-ordinarily hardworking students finish

They all are undisputedly first class materials

They do not only compare, they are in all always superiority to

Any other students of whatever colour from else where

In fact any student that buys, and it rightly required,

A two-page handout, boldly printed from a popular books,

For only five hundred naira, marking his name as a customer

Has only shown a high sense of seriousness and promise

My secondary schools and other post-primary ones

Are even better equipped with the most up-to-date

Laboratories, of all types libraries and teachers

The only thing not usually available many times is chalk!

The SSCE question papers are constantly so secure

That prospective candidates can only see the papers

When, and only when, it is three months to the date

The reason is that, after all the students eventually won them

As a way of ensuring absolute secrecy of the papers

Very well trained and highly disciplined police officers

And drafted to the scene of examinations annually

To make sure that whatever goes in there is top secrete

The steps taken by these honest, patriotic officers is that

No invigilator nor supervisor must raise any alarm

Since the candidates will not be searched against their right to privacy

And all moneys must be deposited with the police and other officers

These candidates are freely give their constitutional rights

For in all  SSCE examinations males can bear female names

And infact a son can help his father or even his mother

If it can be proved that the registered is indisposed

My children enjoy the most civilized political system

It is indigenous, fool-proofed, and called Aireginism

It is a political system that works to the envy of others

It zealously respects collective opinions since they are democratic

I have told my children that collective opinions are

The infallible decrees from heir-apparents in Oba

Human rights, too, must be religiously guided, yes!

I know that all human rights are given by the Almighty

That is why human right activists are sympathetically

And mercifully kept in protective custody in public prisons

Against stupid undemocratic and unwise oppositions

Of those of my children who do not have right hands and fact

Even the illiterate newspaper that ignorantly oppose human rights

Have had their right hands cut off and right feet destroyed

Today, such papers know better; they take evening lessons

The literate and civilized ones know the difference between left and right

The voice of the people think, is claimed to be voice of God too

The voice of my princes is certainly the voice of the people,

The voice of the gun is the voice of my princes, you know

And the voice of ‘Oba Kcor’ is the voice of the gun, sure

Ah! The voice o the gun is unquestionably necessary to

Keep the much admired democracy afloat the sea of
poverty of intellect, poverty of leadership, poverty of vision

Poverty of the past, the present, the future, and bankruptcy of morality

By: Oladele Joseph Obatomi